The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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