Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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