Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
