tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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