her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i love accidental penises.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
