When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
