Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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