I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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