he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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