If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
