gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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