DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
