note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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