To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
