Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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