There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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