Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
