Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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