Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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