in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
