clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
