I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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