my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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