we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
