She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
