you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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