I will die if light touches me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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