you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
