the day after is always just damage control
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
