i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
