a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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