At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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