If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
