My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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