I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
