just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
