whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
