mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
