Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So much Jack, so little girl.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
