party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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