we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
