MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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