do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
