so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
