I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They have beer where we have blood.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
