I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
