I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
