My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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