life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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