She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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