somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
