I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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