just tell him i said nine months
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
