Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Congratulations! We have a period
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
