Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
